Originally written February 22, 2014.
All righty, loyal readers, it’s time once again for our Saturday night shitfest. This time we’re going to tread where we’ve never trodden before and go back a mere seven years.
What the hell am I supposed to write about 2007? Anna Nicole Smith died, Bob Barker left “The Price Is Right,” there was the massacre at Virginia Tech, and although I’m conservative (note I didn’t say I am A conservative), I’m not exactly nostalgic for the Dubya administration. 2007 was the last year before everything came crashing down, so I guess it’s got that going for it.
So we’ll just post Billboard’s top ten from seven years ago this week and make fun of the songs. It’ll be a hoot! Survey dated February 24, 2007.
Akon feat. Snoop Dogg – I Wanna Love You
Let the hatin’ begin! The original title was “I Wanna Fuck You.” How edgy.
Fergie feat. Ludacris – Glamorous
The first thing out of Luda’s mouth is “if you ain’t got no money, take your broke ass home.” Now that’s glamorous.
Justin Timberlake – What Goes Around…Comes Around
If you REALLY want to hear the song, it starts at 1:06. Yes, it’s EIGHT FUCKING MINUTES LONG. I played the video so you don’t have to. Just don’t ask me to take it up the ass.
Gym Class Heroes – Cupid’s Chokehold
When this came out, I busted out my old Supertramp album and played it for my daughter. She was stunned. Then she started playing it – she really likes “The Logical Song.” Score one for the good guys.
Daughtry – It’s Not Over
Chris Daughtry came from “American Idol,” right? This is a direct copy of a Nickelcreed Doors Down song. Hell, it’s a direct copy of pretty much every shit-rock song of the 2000’s.
Ludacris feat. Mary J. Blige – Runaway Love
You almost gotta feel sorry for Gen Y. They grew up thinking THIS was good music.
Fall Out Boy – This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race
When THIS is the best song on the list, you know there’s a problem. “Song that sucks the least” would be more accurate a description.
Gwen Stefani feat. Akon – The Sweet Escape
I was still spinning Top 40 at a sports bar at the time (yes, at age 45; I had become part of the furniture there), and this song was actually a welcome relief from the endless stream of hip-hop thumping out of the woofers. We’ll call it the second least suckiest of the week.
Beyonce – Irreplaceable
For all I know, Beyonce might be a good singer. If only they’d give her something with an actual melody.
And the number one song from this week in that golden nostalgic memory year of 2007 was this:
Nelly Furtado started off pleasant enough with songs like “I’m Like A Bird.” That didn’t last.
So there we have it. Some of these countdowns are good, then there’s this one. Let’s give these songs the thorough trashing they deserve. Go!