Originally written October 5, 2013.
What’s up, loyal readers? It’s time for that parade of suckiness, the Saturday edition of T10FB, where we look at post-1984 music charts and ask ourselves what went wrong.
Tonight we will go back to the first week of October 1990 and look at the top ten songs from the Billboard Hot 100. To say that most of these songs suck would be accurate, but they are better described as bland. Most of the good stuff of that time was in the rock, alternative, and even rap genres. Yes, I loathe rap, but some Public Enemy, Digital Underground, or early LL Cool J can change my mind. You won’t find any of that here. Most of these songs have disappeared into a big black hole, never to be heard again. Fine with me.
So let’s drag them out!
Wilson Phillips – Release Me
See what I mean about bland and forgettable? It’s a theme we will be revisiting often here. Exactly who heard this and said “Wow! This is awesome!”? Apparently enough to make it #10 this week.
Bell Biv Devoe – Do Me!
If you held a gun to my head and forced me to pick a favorite from this list, I guess I’d go with this. At least it doesn’t bore me to death.
Paul Young – Oh Girl
The 1971 original by the Chi-Lites is a soul classic. There’s no reason for this ersatz cover to exist.
Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby
If, in 1990, you fell asleep for 20 years, like Robert Van Winkle’s namesake, and woke up to find Vanilla Ice was a successful house flipper, would you believe it? Me neither.
Jon Bon Jovi – Blaze Of Glory
Somehow, Bon Jovi got to be the band from this era that survived. Virtually everyone I knew that liked this song was a douchebag. They also liked “Wanted Dead Or Alive.”
James Ingram – I Don’t Have The Heart
It took until the chorus for me to say “Oh, yeah, that.” James Ingram is a fine singer, but once again, the song is boring and unmemorable.
Phil Collins – Something Happened On The Way To Heaven
Well, that is a cute doggie. The intro has been used as a theme song or bumper music for countless sports and talk shows.
Nelson – (Can’t Live Without Your) Love And Affection
Rick Nelson’s sons and Ozzie & Harriet’s grandsons. I was dating someone at the time who was totally in love with them. No serious rock fan would have been caught dead anywhere near this.
George Michael – Praying For Time
OK, I listened without prejudice. I also listened without interest. I’ve praised George Micheal here in weeks past; he’s capable of much better than this flavorless lump.
All right, are you as excited as I am? Then wake up and see the number one song 23 years ago this week:
All right, now go back to sleep.
Download last night’s T10FB podcast from 1983 (47 MB):
That’ll wake you up.
All right, go!